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The story of My Sacred Warrior Shield by Temple Hayes

Each time I had a deep fear or a thought of danger, I was to hold up this shield, and it would deflect and dissipate the energy. I went into a deep meditation and asked what symbol I needed in order to face, change, and transcend my experiences with fear. The image appeared to me in a few seconds, and when I came back from the meditation I drew it on a piece of paper.

What came to me was a symbol of the outer shell of a heart held by my hands at each side. When I was alone, I would hold this shield up physically, as if I were holding a real shield in front of me. When I was with others, I would simply visualize it in my mind and bless the ritual. I knew I could get just as much effect from visualizing the action as from physically doing the action. I was amazed, as I practiced this conscious intention, by how many times I actually had fear-based thoughts throughout the course of a day. 

It was almost overwhelming. I felt paranoid if someone did not speak to me a certain way or if I called someone and did not hear back from him or her. I was afraid of hearing from an event planner that I would not get to speak at a certain event after they had already committed to me. There was always a tape running in my head that I would get rejected or abandoned. I was afraid that I would not have enough money or that my dreams were never going to be realized. I was afraid of getting old long before I was ready to do so. I was afraid I would be left by someone somewhere. I was afraid that if people really knew I was afraid, they wouldn’t love me. 

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My shadow self-sought to get me to quit working with myself and to say it was silly. My shadow wanted me to stop this crazy exercise. My shadow wanted me to accept that it was too much work to change, when the truth is that it is too much work to be determined to keep things the same. I was on the cusp of being born again, and being born again so we will stop dying requires a few new stretch marks, to say the least. I had almost become comfortable being a chicken even though deep down I always knew I was an eagle destined for an ‘eagle’s life.’ The eagle within me continued to call me to keep going. I was persistent, and even though it was uncomfortable, I persevered. Quitter is not a common word in my vocabulary. 

For the first several days, it felt totally consuming. Yet I stayed with the process each and every time a fear came up. One day it occurred to me that I had not had a particular fear for a few days. That realization freed me as I have never been freed before. The depth of fear that was once normal for me rarely happens to me now. When it occurs, I hold up my sacred warrior shield. I also had to realize that I had been conditioned for so much of my life to not feel okay that even when I did feel okay, I would look for something to justify why I couldn’t just feel okay and be happy. I felt out of place as a kid, and I created that same feeling as an alcoholic, always apologizing and thinking that I had done something wrong. Yet even though these things had long since changed, I was still carrying around the core belief that I am not okay. This was not something I could change through the intellect; it required me to discover it through my heart. Not being okay had felt so natural for so long that I felt lost without it. It was quite some time before being okay became natural. 

This is a process that many people stop way too soon. I know, for I was almost one of them. I almost missed being an eagle instead of a chicken. When you look into your own life, you might see that you do not have a fear of danger. You might not have, as I did, a fear of abandonment or rejection. You might not have carried in your life for many years that you are not okay or that you are a mistake. 

For you it could just be a fear that you don’t deserve good things, that you are not “enough,” or that you might be found out. These worries stop us in our tracks on the unconscious level, and we will sabotage our progress until we clear them up. 

If you are looking at your life and seeing repetitive patterns of fear-based living, then this process of facing it, feeling it, and walking through it will change your life. If you do not recognize any of these fears as paralyzing your life – which would surprise me since this book found you – then you are still blessed, for our society is saturated with people whose lives are driven by their fears, and you can be of tremendous support to them. 

Start today by declaring, “I will now face my fears before my fears replace me…the real me.” 

Excerpt from When Did You Die?, 8 Steps To Stop Dying Every Day and Start Waking Up!  


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